what time is it Grandfather Clock?; capture the flag; marco polo; house; school; mermaid; candyland; ring around the rosie; thunder and lightning; PIG; kickball; duck hunt; clubhouse; princess; cowboys and indians; ping pong; skiball; scavenger; barbies; i spy; kick the can; hide and seek; basketball; water polo; volleyball; soccer; who calls first; who says i love you first; who can be the thinnest; who can get the highest score; i don't like you but will play coy; taps; five alive; hangman; tic-tac-toe.
The longest and most harrowing game lasted 4 regulation quarters, 4 overtime quarters, and 5 sudden death periods. 3.5 hours of water polo. Two missed 5 meters. We lost. We never forgot.
I remember specific moments, from specific games. I remember the feelings after shots made, goals scored, guts kicked, and tempers high. I remember screaming under water, sobbing uncontrollably with salty thick tears after games, and I remember winning games, losing games, and hating games. I remember the feeling in my stomach of nerves and adrenaline, waiting on the wall to kick off, spitting water in and out of my mouth, glancing over at my teammates in focus and enthusiasm--kicking off and letting it go with every stroke. I remember stepping onto the court, tucking in my shirt, quietly sizing up number 22, number 44, number 23--giving them the glare, chewing my gum and relentlessly wanting basket after basket, defensive stop after defensive stop.
Games, and more games. Now the games are watched from the sideline...from the second seat on the bench because I am superstitious...."we make our own luck" I hear in my head every time I skip over the first seat--a piece of advice from my dad I can't seem to internalize. Games controlled by how I can control other athletes. Not how I control my body, my enthusiasm, my focus, my heart.... but how I have prepared other's bodies and minds for competition. Games played in a different way. Games watched, analyzed, internalized--advice given, directions shouted, and heart given.
Games, and more games. Games in my head--how many more miles? how many more minutes? just push. just kick. just one step, one step, one step. just one more day.
My students say I come up with the best games. What is review without a game? What are lit terms without games?
My family can't have a weekend without a game--we even have an entire Ulmer Family Olympics because we can't live without games.
Even though we say we don't like "games", relationships start with games. Mind games. Games of who likes who, how do you know?, how do you know if it will be good or great?, should you lie, should you be scared, should you play the friend card?, how do you know how much he likes you?..we settle all with games. These are the worst kinds of games, though. There is no score, no referee, no uniform and no equipment other than our feelings. I'd like to think I'm straightforward, but at what cost--and at what point does straight forward lead to the game of heartbreak and disappointment.
Games with athletes, games with co-workers, games with students, games with men, games with friends, games with family.....
Respect the Game. And I like to remember that I hardly ever lose. And when I do, I don't break. And so I suppose, I'm ready for this next game in my life. Same glare, same nerves, same focus--just different teammates.
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