Curly and the Blame Game

Curly learned to play the game of basketball by watching her older cousins play in the driveway with a worn out ball and big hoop dreams.  She stood at the sliding door and watched through the paned window until one day, her cousin decided to show her how to shoot a basketball. It would take years before the boys would let her play with them, but when she finally did, she could out shoot them all.

Curly loved every part of the game.  She loved the adrenaline from running up and down the court.  She loved the aggressive nature of rebounding, she loved the swoosh sound when the ball went into the hoop, and the distinct pound a ball made when dribbled on a wooden court.

Curly found time between her school work and family time to play basketball on small city teams.  Curly was on a team called "Las Caballos".  The team was a mix of all sorts of players: some big, some small, some wide, some quick, some slow.  Curly fit right in and liked that because of her days watching and learning the game from her cousins, she stood out as a tough competitor for her team.

During the season Los Caballos would play all the other city league teams once and then meet for a championship game at the end.  Los Caballos were having a great season. Curly led the team to many victories and triumphs throughout the season.  She would come home with smiles and stories of the game as she recounted her teammates adventures.

"There was 30 seconds on the clock left and we didn't need to shoot, but I felt like I could score one more point--so I took the ball and dribbled straight to the basket! It was such a great shot!"  Curly exclaimed to her parents and sisters.

"Did you ever think about passing it to someone who hadn't scored yet?" inquired her mother.

But Curly had already started gulping some grapeade and only rolled her eyes.

 As Curly and her teammates got better and better, so did their competition.  Curly found herself more and more frustrated as she scored fewer and fewer points. There were even a few games where Curly came home in tears and frustration as she tried to explain the game.

"But then the referee called a travel on me! So the ball was given to the other team!" exclaimed Curly as she vulneraby sat at the kitchen table.

"We all make mistakes." coaxed her mother.

"But I didn't travel! The referees were bad. And my teammates can't shoot their free-throws, which is really why we lost the game", mentioned Curly as the tears stopped.

Her mother and father both opened their mouths to continue the conversation, but Curly had already popped out of her chair and was heading up the stairs.

As the season neared the championship game, Curly would try to sneak in any extra shooting time possible.  She would drag her cousin out to the drive-way court, or sneak into her school gym.  She wanted to make sure she was doing everything she could to not only make it to the championship game, but to win the championship game.

It was the game before the championship and Curly felt very anxious as she laced up her basketball shoes.  It didn't matter what anybody else did, she had to be focused and in the zone when she stepped onto the court.

When game time came, she started the game with a fiercely competitive attitude.  Both teams were very evenly matched.  Curly was well guarded and at the end of the first quarter, she only had 2 points.  She thought her other teammates weren't as focused as she was, so she gave a quick, "come on guys! everyone has to play hard!", before running back onto the court.

By halftime, things had gone from mediocre to bad.  Curly was so outraged by the referees blind calls and her teammates inadequacies, that she didn't realize she was negatively influencing everyone around her.  The game ended and Los Caballos squeaked by with a close win.  But Curly was no longer the euphoric player who loved everything from the feel of the ball to the bounce on a wooden court.

Her coach asked her to hang back in the locker room.

"Curly, what happened to you today?" Coach Bob asked as he sat down next to Curly on the bench.

"The refs were unfair, my teammates couldn't even catch a ball, you were making bad calls, I couldn't do anything on offense because their defense was so tight and nobody was helping me," exasperated Curly in an increasingly loud and angst filled tone.

"Ahh.  And your turnovers, your missed shots, your bad body language--that was because of all of that?" Coach Bob inquired as he folded his arms across his chest and leaned back.

"Totally," exclaimed Curly with no second thought.

"I think you have just fell victim to one of the biggest blunders of sports, my dear Curly." Coach Bob said.  His tone was authoritative, yet there was a sense of urgency in it. "When things go wrong, or not the way we had hoped, imagined, or wanted, we like to blame everyone else or anything else.

Curly looked up from the locker room tiled floor, slouched her shoulders and almost started to roll her eyes when Coach Bob interjected,  "That is one of the biggest lies we tell ourselves", said Coach Bob, "That we have no control over what is happening to us and that our failures are always someone else's fault.

You only have one thing you can and need to control when you step onto the court. Do you know what that is?"

He looked at Curly and raised his unkempt and billowy eyebrows.  She turned her eye roll into an inner contemplative stare.

"Your attitude, Ms. Curly", said Coach Bob.  "The sooner you realize you cannot control anything else in this game, other than your attitude, the better a player you will be.  You can practice your heart out, so your attitude is one of confidence.  You cannot control the refs, you cannot control the coaches, and you cannot control your teammates. Nobody is to blame here, but yourself and your attitude."

Curly was beginning to turn.  She knew he was right, but wasn't ready to give in so quickly.  She was prideful, after all.

"I know you feel you lose some pride when you have to blame yourself and yourself alone, but these games we play are 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Coach Bob knew where her mind was wandering.

Curly knew she had a different kind of preparation ahead of her to get ready for the championship game.  It was a much more exhausting preparation.  Preparing to take the game as it is given to you and keeping your attitude positive throughout all the ups and downs.

She came home with a different jump in her step.  As she rushed into the kitchen, her mom and dad asked how she was doing and she replied, "I have to stop blaming everybody else when I make mistakes.  The only thing I can control is my attitude."  With that, she kissed her mom and dad on the cheeck and ran up the stairs to her bedroom.

During the championship game Curly found herself in the zone.  She didn't think the referees were calling the game that well, but she reminded herself not to get upset.  She also felt like the other team was playing defense really well on her, but that only meant she could help set screens and make passes to other players to score baskets.  Los Caballos played their hearts out, but could not win the game.

On the car ride home, Curly's parents were waiting to hear the usual rant about what and whose fault it was this time.  But Curly just talked about how much fun she had playing, how great the other team was and how great her team was.  Curly's parents were really impressed and proud that their daughter internalized the lesson of attitude so wholeheartedly.

In life, the easy thing to do is to blame others for our misfortunes.  Sure there are many influencing factors, but we have to always take a look at ourselves first and foremost.  Because the one play we can bet on in this game we call life--is our attitudes.  Keep it positive, keep it motivated, and keep it confident.