Powerlessness is a profound feeling. Profoundly horrible.
As a loved one of a recovered addict and a trying to not be co-dependent, I have become fairly familiar with the 12 steps of the AA Program.
Admitting powerlessness...step 1: "We admitted we were powerless over others--that our lives had become unmanageable."
I think the first time I realized I had zero control over other people's lives was during the BUFU War 2009 (Break Up Fuck U). I knew there was nothing I could do but control my feelings and my reactions, but I desperately wanted to change someone else.
Although I felt I had a grip on Step 1 a while ago, I still don't entirely get it.
The paradox is, I don't want to the responsibility to control other people and I certainly don't want the chains that go along with that; yet I can't help but secretly wish to make good decisions for other people. Decisions that make my life better, easier, and happier.
While in a tearful fit of fear for a dear friend who is courageously fighting for our freedom, my wiser and younger baby sister said to me, "That is so out of anyone's control".
All of this, is utterly out of anyone's control. We can't control other's actions and we certainly can't control the actions of the world.
All we can do is control our prayers and our thoughts in hopes that the universe or our higher power will guide us to make the right choices and will create for us a world of great karma :) The question then becomes how to know what to let go of, how to let go of it, and how to logically manage the thoughts that come along with the letting go.
It's actually quite liberating. And the paradox continues, because as we admit to no power, we deeply empower ourselves.
3 comments:
Love the conclusion especially! I never had to deal with alcoholism until this summer and it soon turned into four different sets of people with alcohol problems in a short span that help me appreciate this post.
Hope all is well!
p.s (unrelated): the word verification (ackmzjf) isn't a word...so why call it "word verification"?
The love of power or the power of love. This is a choice we all make everyday. Fortunately, if we can see past the dualism and always choose love, we have a chance to live free.
It is so interesting how much influence we think we have over people! It is also interesting how many people are affected by alcoholism and addiction!
And I think we think that by controlling others, or being codependent, we are LOVING them. Yet, that is not love at all.
Post a Comment