The X's Who Matter-kinda

There's the high school sweetheart who lives around the corner in the big city, who has always been there for summer sandy volleyball, random moments of singledom, who you seem to have grown up with--yet apart from-- who disappears for months at a time when he gets new girlfriends but who never forgets what you have, who will forever look like Orlando Bloom, will always look at you with the same loving eyes he did 1o years ago, and whenever Usher's "You got it bad" comes on you can still hear his voice over the radio singing it in your ear. The high school romance trumps all else because of its innocence and naivety.

Yet with innocence and naivety there is no room for exploration and feeling.

So there's the college boyfriend who helped you find the bar, the drink, and then carried you home and held you while you drunk cried for hours--for no apparent reason. He is funny and always made you laugh..and OH so much more, he is oh so smart but couldn't figure out how to get himself to class, he could make a room full of people chuckle, smile, and then jealous that he was in love with you and not them. He knew exactly what buttons to push, when to push them and when to let you fly. The college boyfriend admitted once that you were the one who got away, and you reminisced about the favorite sex moments--you loved it because there were candles and shadows, he loved it because....well over-sharing is no fun. He will forever be in your heart as someone who loved you, the whole you and never asked you to be someone else. One day a friend asked why you loved him and you said, "well he makes me smile"...enough said.

My dad always said you can stay in Oxford, living in the same house, doing the same things on Saturday night, with the same people...or you can live your life and dream

And so you leave--embark on your life, unemployed and with a degree in a field you know nothing about.

And then you meet the first Raul--the first real love. It is never a question about if you love him, but about how hard you will fall and will he fall with you. You dream together, drive together, play together, and then live together. You laugh, you cry, you fight. You do things that couples are supposed to do, not realizing you may not be ready to do those things couples are supposed to do. You try but someone changes in one way, and the other in another. And so then you cry. And you forever wonder why he stopped loving you and if you will ever fully stop loving him.

And time passes and you meet wonderful men, talented men, passionate men, intellectually stupid men, waiters, actors, teachers, rangers, soldiers, and even the occasional businessman. And what you realize is that in looking forward to what is to come, it becomes comforting to know that what once was--was real--was fabulous--and will always be there in the past. Just there for comfort--for remembering the good times--to keep you focused on the good times to come :)