The Breast Chronicles: 4th Grade! :)

4^th Grade

When you think of children's birthday parties, you think of balloons, cake, an occasional game of pin the tail on the donkey and maybe a clown or two. You play a few games, open presents, have cake, and thank everyone for coming before the moms start popping xanex and the little boy down the street pees on your tulips.

Yet for one popular fourth grader, nothing short of everything was good enough. Everyone in the fourth grade was invited and then some. There were DJ’s and disco balls, balloon sculptures to the ceiling, karaoke, ice-skating, sleigh rides, and a three-foot cake shaped like a Barbie doll. But the thing I remember best is the fortuneteller. Yes, a fortuneteller was hired to attend a 9 year olds birthday party (no it was not Tori Spelling's child).

She was beautifully mysterious, wearing the traditional gypsy garb of flowing scarves and dangly silver and gold jewelry that sparkled with the turn of the disco ball. She twinkled as she walked and smelled of incense and roses. She had a makeshift booth made from plywood 2x4’s and she was definitely the hottest attraction at the party.

As kids from my grade waited in line to get their palms read they whispered about all the things they wanted her to say. I watched them one by one sit down, some in groups, and as she held their palms in her hand, you could see smiles form or quizzical looks that turned into wonderment. When the lines on their little palms were interpreted with the greatest of ease, the girls stood in groups jumping up and down giggling at their ‘fortunes’. I will never forget how my little sister took me aside and said with all the seriousness a 5-year old can muster, that her fortune....... was that she would live long and like tacos. I couldn’t wait to get my palm read.

When it was finally my turn I was hoping she’d tell me I would grow up and marry Jonathon Taylor Thomas and be the first woman in the NBA. Instead she told me that I was going to have big breasts.

“I see maybe a successful career, a healthy life, and large breasts.”

From what line on your palm can you tell that someone will have large breasts? To this day, I am perplexed. I was so humiliated, I had no idea what to do or say. I think I just said thank you. In retrospect I think that a lot of other girls would have been excited about such a fortune, yet I was just never concerned with having breasts, being a breast, or anything to do with breasts for that matter.

Interesting to think about in retrospect. Without my big breasts, I would not have opted to create a body project and shrink my cup size, nor would I have had the opportunity to create the Breast Chronicles :)